I thought, for this entry, I'd back up a little bit and actually start at the beginning - when Jesse and I first decided we were ready (as ready as we could be) to welcome a baby into our little family. This was not an easy decision for me, actually. Before getting married, I'd always felt I was born to be a mom - I felt it was obvious in the way I mothered my close friends. But during my engagement to Jesse, and in the beginning of our marriage, it seemed as if I was surrounded by stories of couples whose marriages broke up soon after having their first child. It terrified me. Jesse and I had an incredible marriage. And if having a baby was going to ruin that, I was no longer sure I wanted one.
Then came our first Christmas together. On Christmas morning, we woke up, looked at each other, said Merry Christmas, and... that was it. We'd already exchanged gifts (I can never wait!) so there was no excitement. It was just like every other day. And I realized Christmas would always be like that unless we had children. Unless we had those little people running in our room way too early in the morning, begging us to see if Santa had come over night. And I wanted that! Although it may sound strange, I realized then that I wanted children.
More than that, I wanted a family. Although it would take me a little while longer to be sure I was ready for a baby, I knew I wanted a family. I want family traditions, holidays, vacations, and just the simple idea of that small group of people who are ready-made friends, supporters, and fans, like my parents and siblings have always been to me.
It was just a few months later that Jesse and I decided we wanted to begin trying to have a baby. So far, my pregnancy has only brought us closer. I'm hoping our first child will do the same.
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